Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
