we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
