i barfeds in our rink
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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