Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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