I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
