just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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