a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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