Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
