nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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