Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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