carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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