Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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