it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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