Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
