I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
