Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This is my gift to your gina
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
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