Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
