You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
