Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
