If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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