so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There's always time for handjobs
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
