Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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