people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
