That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
