i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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