I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
