I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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