i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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