smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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