Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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