well I can't set my house on fire every night
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
