He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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