week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
