i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Randomize
