Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
