I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
