I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
