she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
