East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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