I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
