Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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