And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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