How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
this boner is exhausting
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
