Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
