Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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