well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
