apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
