Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
