I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
