my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
