I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
