my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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