I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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