i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
