I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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